I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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