i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
