first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
