My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
