Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
