Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
