he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
