so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
