2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
