i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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