hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
