Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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