i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
