Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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