every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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