i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Randomize
