I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I want her autograph on my taint
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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