i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
