I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
