You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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