I heard we made out
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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