I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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