Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
