I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
