Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
