did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
