Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
