And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize