The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
