Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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