We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
