I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Randomize
