im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
