Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
