He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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