Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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