sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
