We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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