If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
