Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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