lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
