i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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