cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
