I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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