just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
don't judge my taste in strippers
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
