ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
