I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Found your dick twin last night
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
