Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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