i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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