If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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