You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
