Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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