In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
