She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
