White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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