I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
