3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
