so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
