my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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