Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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