so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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