she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
