Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
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