Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
