Having a random hookup so left but love u
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
