Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
