I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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