"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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