i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
